am i desiring truth? am i walking towards light?

[00:00] Hey, it's me again. It's currently 10:40 p.m. And a little bit earlier than the last session we had. But for today, I just wanted to briefly talk a little bit more about our desire and what we are really desiring. And it may come off as a bit of a rude awakening 'cause I know for sure it did for me.

[00:23] But throughout this course of law of attraction and manifestation — throughout this course of affirming for our desires and everything — it will come to a point where we do make an internal change and an overall change. And we do become a new or different type of person.

[00:46] And from what I found and what I've seen in others is there's been many times that people have gotten what they — well, what they believed they wanted, right? And as they kind of sit and soak it in, they realize that the goal post may have just moved from one desire to another and at the end of the day their underlying insecurity or sense of lack is still there.

[01:29] I remembered a certain point where I thought it would be amazing to just manifest and have everything come true immediately at your fingertips. And it was a very hard thing to swallow when I realized that you had to find a deeper meaning to life — because for me it was about the struggle and the journey. But when you shifted your perspective to things always being of ease, then you realize well, you have tens and twenties and thousands and just so many days here left on Earth and so many years left 'cause you don't really know for sure how long things will take here as we're going through our time here.

[02:29] And so what is it that will really bring you life every day, right? As you wake up, what is it that will fulfill you and fill you up every day as you open your eyes in the morning and think about the things in your daily task? There was a point where many of us bought into the tales and stories that we were fed growing up and a lot of us believe that it's about making sacrifices and that's what it means to live a life worthwhile.

[03:15] So we believe that sure we can suck it up and do a bit of this and that — but after all of this we get to enjoy ourself for a certain amount of time. And that's the thing that drives us forward. And I'm not saying there's any correct way to live, but get to consider the cycle that you're putting yourself in.

[03:41] Because you'll be waking up and going to sleep repeating these type of thoughts and these type of actions and it may shift and vary from day to day, but at the end of the day you are still being the same person you were yesterday. And you will still continue being the same person you are tomorrow.

[04:04] So then it kind of begs the question: what is it that we're really desiring? And if you study this material long enough, you will know that the question isn't what — but who is it that we're really desiring? And I don't fault you if you feel like that's a really big and deep question to ponder on even though it seems very, very simple and straightforward — like who is it that we are desiring to be?

[04:41] And you may fill up your characters with ideas. You may dress up your avatars with certain pieces of clothing. You could say, well, I want to be this tall and look this attractive. I want to be dressed up like this and I want to act like that. I want a life that's surrounded like this and people think of me like that and this and so on. But this begs the deeper question.

[05:11] This is the much, much more complex — but also so simple question: who is it that we want to embrace as we navigate the rest of our lives? Because at the end of the day there has to be a sense of mystery. There has to be a sense of chaos. And we do have to face into this unknown for our lives to be exciting, to be well worth living.

[05:53] And it is not necessarily a bad thing. It's a self-built, ingrained aspect of reality. And so, what type of perspective and what type of person do we want to represent as we navigate this? I know immediately a lot of us — even me especially — might answer this type of question with very superficial and very straightforward responses like, I want to be financially free. I want to be surrounded by love. I want people to respect me. And I want to be happy.

[06:29] But that's only the first step in figuring out who we are — because you have to take yourself a bit beyond that. And kind of put the world aside, right? As a lot of these books would teach you, leave the world alone.

[07:05] And when you leave the world alone, you go and take yourself a day or so into the future — beyond your problems. So, who are you when you wake up without these financial burdens? Who are you when you wake up with perfect relationships and the freedom to explore and serve yourself? Have thoughts and also seek the end of these thoughts.

[07:43] Who are you then, without all the burdens that are weighing you down? And I think that right there is the core of this whole spiritual journey — that this question is the core of what this whole manifestation process is. Who am I without my chains? Who am I when I am no longer a prisoner of my own mind?

[08:25] This discussion just reminds me of that one statement I've heard: you only desire yourself. Right? Behind everything that you desire, behind everything that you want to experience, the true desire is to only desire yourself. And so to put it simply — because that was a bit confusing for me to understand at first — you only desire the freedom, permission, and rightful knowing to be yourself as you are and how you want it to be.

[09:01] And this is a very open statement. It is not a defined, fixed type of definition where you feel like you want a certain set of conditions to just rain down and bless you and kind of give you the foundation structure to be yourself and do all these things. I don't think it's like that. I think you want what's more freeing, what's more flexible. And it's kind of like a permission slip.

[09:42] You want this permission slip from the outside reality, from the entire world, to kind of look at you and let you know, reassure you with unconditional love that you do have full permission to be who you are — as you are — and in the ways you desire to express it. That you do have permission to explore and sometimes make the wrong choices. You have the permission to turn back. And also sometimes just sit there and take in the moment.

[10:15] You have the permission to do all these things without any external pressure, without any metrics or milestones to meet, or expectations from others. You have full permission to rest in the slow, stable sensation of yourself.

[10:51] And when I was first beginning, it's hard to kind of reach this core focus and this core realization behind manifesting and everything, because when we're first starting, there's so many stories that are being told within our mind and there's so many problems and scenarios that are taking place. We have all these unanswered and open-ended questions for ourself. And based on what we've felt, what we've been through, and what we've experienced, we have this type of knowing sensation that we must kind of close these books and give ourselves the space and freedom before we can even start contemplating ourself and finally being who we want to be.

[11:38] It's really ironic because I remember a strong desire of mine was to have an over-excessive abundance of financial freedom — to be so financially stable, to be overflowing with riches that I can finally start living my life. Like, that was my initial main desire when I first started manifesting.

[12:11] And the reason it's ironic: I wanted the world to give me everything before I can even start wondering who I wanted to be, basically. I basically wanted the world to overflow my bank account. For it to be super easy, for things to always be lined up, so that I can have the peace of mind to start living my life.

[12:50] 'Cause somehow I believed that without all those things, I wouldn't be able to do those — or maybe do it successfully and painlessly. I get the sense that a lot of us, because a particular friend of mine also believes so, that if we were rich, if we were overflowing our pockets, if we had all these things, then we could finally start to take risks, start to take action, and start to be certain things that are — certain ideas that pop up in our mind.

[13:34] That if we're ever sitting there wondering and feeling a curiosity to do and be certain things, we could suddenly take upon those things and explore those routes. But right now we can't do that because we believe there's all these responsibilities. We believe in a certain fixed and firm financial struggle and big, complicated, and overdue bills. We believe in all these demands from the outside world that must be met.

[14:07] But I want you to kind of hear yourself when you're thinking these things. Because at the end of the day, it's either what's going on out there — or what do you want? And if you're always tending to things that you believe outside demands out of you, then you won't ever get to what you want.

[14:41] And in manifesting, a lot of us might feel that techniques and the right knowledge and the right understanding or community and habits or beliefs and all these things — that they're all important. But I've always strangely found that figuring out what I want was always the hardest question. But it was also the most fundamental and most important question in this whole process.

[15:15] You have to know what you want. And I'm just here trying to tell you that what you may want — what you may truly desire — has to do with who you truly are. And that is not something you have to fully understand, but something you have to start to get used to the sensation of and start to feel more comfortable embracing.

[15:44] That who you are is an experience to find out for yourself — and it's the whole purpose of our life here and our journey here while we're still on Earth. You also hear the same type of message repeated in a lot of spiritual circles in various different ways. Like, for example, Bashar would tell you to follow your excitement and that's the number one rule to living a prosperous and abundant life.

[16:18] And then if you read other circles, people would tell you to seek your greatest joy, to seek unconditional love and to follow love — to follow creation and expansion of yourself. And at the end of all this, do you really want to be someone that has to still sign yourself under some sort of system, some sort of techniques and routine that you may not be working for people of your 3D world, your physical reality — but now you're working for some spiritual boss that you believe to be up there?

[17:06] That now you're prescribed under these sort of fixed behaviors you have to do — that you may have to imagine stuff in your head, you may have to repeat certain words and phrases over and over again. Are you really free here, then? Are you really free if the only master you serve is not yourself?

[17:30] Because at the end of the day, manifesting, spirituality, enlightenment, awakening, doing these shadow work and removing your eliminating beliefs — is to free yourself. To free your mind. To give you permission to yourself from yourself. And to realize how broad, open, safe, and fun everything can be.

[17:57] Well, that's all I have to say for today. Thank everyone for listening — and goodbye.